By The Chief
Working from home I haven’t really been keeping up with what day it is. I think today is Friday, but there is no possible way to be sure. What I do know though, is that a few days ago some super smart science person discovered the existence of a parallel universe, even though I feel like we all kinda knew that they existed this whole time. There’s like a 95% chance we’re all in the matrix right now and that universe they discovered is just another computer program but where dinosaurs never went extinct or they never figured out how to get cheese into a can. I have to assume that if we know about one of these things, there has to be way more that we don’t know about. I’m pretty sure that’s how science works. Like, we discovered one element and everyone was probably like, ‘Woah, that’s awesome. No way there’s more of those’. Then they discovered like two hundred more and no one cared that much cuz they already knew about the first one. That’s probably what happened. I’m not a scientist. I’m more of a sports guy. And I know for a fact that somewhere, in the vastness of the multiverse, Covid-19 didn’t hit this hard, and sports are happening.
Universe 712- April 15, 2020:
Hi everyone. It’s me, a sports reporter. Earlier today I sat down with New York Yankees star Aaron Judge who just came off a walk off against Texas.
Q. Thanks for talking to us Aaron. What were you thinking on that last pitch?
Hey, yeah. LeClerc is always a tough guy to hit off of. Good thing I didn’t have to. After Gleyber finished off that 48 pitch at bat with a seeing eye single to load the bases with two outs I got pumped. I think that might have been a record or something. Honestly, all I did was watch four pitches hit the plate.
Q. Haha, always the joker. Aaron, Even though the season has only been going on for 3 weeks, your name has already been in MVP talks. How does that feel?
Uhh, yeah. It’s always nice to be included in MVP talks. Isn’t it a little early though? I mean, guys on my team are doing better than me. Giancarlo has 18 homeruns in like 20 games. He just hit his 2nd and 3rd grand slams this game. Aren’t I batting like 210 this season? Why are you interviewing me?
Q. Speaking of your teammates, you guys added the Cy Young runner up Gerrit Cole over the off season. What kind of a presence does he bring to the clubhouse?
Oh, it’s great having him around. He’s a vet and a great player. I remember during spring training he immediately walked into a leadership role.
Q. Are you worried about his struggles to begin the season? Just to brush you up, he’s 0-3 with an era of 5.38.
No, I’m not worried. There’s a bunch of things that could be causing it. Maybe he’s just going through a slump. It happens to all of us. He got pretty close to his teammates last year too. He’s probably just a little upset about them all being in the hospital with broken wrists. That would distract me too.
Q. What do you think about the entire Astros starting lineup getting broken wrists in the first week of the season?
It’s a crazy world my man. Stuff happens. We almost got wiped out by a crazy virus a few months ago, Ichiro played hall of fame ball til he was 45, and Astros starters must all not be drinking their milk.
Q. Alright Aaron, thanks for talking to us. Good luck and I’ll see you at the MVP ceremony.
You got it my man.
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