Peeled Sports

Cincinnati Bearcats Save Queen From Assassin, Cure CTE And Find Amelia Earhart

By The Chief

The Cincinnati Bearcats have certainly had a crazy year in 2020. It all started with a crazy, unpredictable pandemic that halted their basketball season and threatened to shut down their high potential football season. The NCAA got together and decided that they would be playing but with one caveat. If a player tests positive for the virus, the entire game would be cancelled and the team would not be allowed to play until everyone tests negative.

The Bearcats managed to play eight games in the beginning of the season, winning all of them and earning a top ten national ranking. The last game that they played before the AAC championship was against longtime rival UCF where they won fairly handily. There may have been a hiccup or two along the way.

So the Bearcats were up to a top 10 rank and looked like they were on their way to the college football playoff, but that’s when it happened. A few members of the team tested positive for the virus, effectively cancelling the team’s next two games. One of which was against #24 ranked Tulsa.

Instead of feeling bad about it however, the Cats decided to do something about it. Desmond Ridder and a few of his teammates made haste, grabbing the Bearcat Mobile to journey around the world and help who they could. The two week trip took them all around the world. They first headed over to the queen’s palace in London where they foiled an assassination attempt (pictured above). They then went to Japan to study the negative side effects of concussions in athletes with top scientists. After only a week, they had found the cure to CTE, showing it to the world’s top neurosurgeon. Then on the way back, Ridder thought he saw someone he recognized and urged the pilot to land. It turns out Amelia Earhart had been living by herself on a remote island off the coast of Japan at the ripe old age of 123.

Ridder and the Cats landed outside Nippert Stadium and took care of Tulsa on the way to their well deserved college football playoff berth. The only problem with that is that they did not have enough money to out bribe the selection committee and move above any of the four teams that have been paying the committee’s salaries for 20 years. So they finished at an absurdly low 8th in the country. If you don’t see something wrong with that, you don’t care about the queen.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *