By The Chief
As many of you may know, this past Sunday the 25th of October, the Washington Football Team and Dallas Cowboys faced off in their first of two matchups of the year. The two teams are of course members of the NFC East division which has come out to a pretty rough start to begin this 2020-21 season. Before the season, all bets were going the way of Dallas to win the division with some money following the constantly injured Eagles. Their roster looked unstoppable with Dak Prescott at the helm and the apparently not Amish RB Ezekiel Elliot. They have held onto the strongest offensive line in football for the last 5 years and Leighton Vander Esch is enough to absolutely terrify any offensive threat.
I mean… maybe it’s the neck thing, but I find this guy absolutely terrifying. I haven’t even mentioned the phenom out of Oklahoma; CeeDee Lamb. The boys were, as they usually are, primed for not only an NFC East win but a superbowl run in February 2021. But that’s not what’s happening. They’ve come out to a putrid 2-5 start as well as the worst point differential in the entire NFL. That may be bias due to the fact that they’ve played every week so far and a few teams have gotten byes, but that isn’t important. The cowboys are bad, and it isn’t anything new. Even when Dallas has been good they’ve still somehow been bad. Since their last NFL championship in 1996, they have won the division 7 times, with 3 of those coming in the last 6 years. In 2014, they managed to get to the end of a divisional playoff game vs the Packers where Dez Bryant caught a TD pass that would have brought them back into the game, but it was called back for some odd reason. Since that Superbowl victory they have gone 3-10 in the playoffs. America’s team just hasn’t been able to get the job done.
You may be asking yourself, ‘what’s the deal? Aren’t the Cowboys a good franchise?’. Of course they are. They’re the cowboys. There has to be an explanation for their pattern of absolutely abysmal football, bad breaks and overall disappointing seasons year after year. The reporters at Peeled Sports are glad to say that we finally found the solution, and she opened herself up for comment just this morning.
“Hello people of the world. I know a lot of you don’t know who I am. My name is The Witch, and I’m the reason that the Dallas Cowboys are so bad at football. You see, I’m a huge Steelers fan, and that day back in 1996 was not a good one for me. I may or may not have hexed the Cowboys so that they would start losing games again. No, I did. That’s what happened. Obviously Dez caught that pass, but the refs were under my hex’s control and called it the opposite way. I now see that my actions were misguided and I take full responsibility. I never imagined that it would come this far. I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart to any Cowboys fans out there who have been affected by my actions. Look, I even bought this snazzy Cowboys witch hat at the witch hat store to show how sorry I am. I know now that I should never hex a football team for my own selfish gains ever again, and as soon as the one I put on the Jets runs out, football will go back to normal. Thank you, and go Steelers.”
There you have it. The Witch did not seem to be sure when the hex would wear off of the Cowboys, and apparently the Jets, but it does seem as though she regrets her decision and someday soon football will return to what it used to be.