By The Chief and The Sciolist
‘Squirt squirt”- Patrick Mahomes
Just a little while ago, the Chiefs signed their star QB to a life altering 10 year deal. Mahomes is now slotted to be a Chief until he turns 34. You may be thinking why such an incredible young talent would take a deal like this. Why wouldn’t he want to explore what the rest of the league has to offer? He could be in New Orleans for Mardi Gras, enjoy as many Broadway shows as possible, or even go to London twice a year as an envoy from Jacksonville. After a deep dive into the events of the last 24 hours, we’ve determined how it happened. He was coerced. Tricked into signing by the person who it would help the most; Andrew Walter Reid.
Here’s the inside scoop. The Chief’s owner was tired of paying for Andy Reid’s growing appetite. Half of the money coming into Arrowhead was being used for steaks, fries and onion rings. All of which ended up in Reid’s stomach.
But wait. What does Andy Reid’s proclivity for food have to do with Pat Mahomes? Think about it. What is Mahomes’ favorite food? According to an ESPN profile on the slinger, he’s overly fond of steak with ketchup. Now do you understand? The Chiefs would have no problem spending a bit more money on their franchise QB if he asked for it. He gets his steak and ketchup and Reid can just stick to the fries and onion rings, dipping into Mahomes supply when he can. And by when he can, I obviously mean every day.
“You don’t see this generation talent every day, and when you do you take advantage,” he said in an interview just after the signing.
Notice his use of the phrase “take advantage”. Reid must have been plotting this out for months. He has 10 years of this and he couldn’t be any more excited if he tried.
Yo wtf is this