By The Chief
The Washington franchise has been under scrutiny as long as I can remember. People have called the logo racist and demanded it be changed for years, and in light of certain events they have decided to finally change it.
“Honestly, I didn’t understand the problem until very recently,” said owner Dan Snyder. “But once my sponsors started to pull out I finally got it. The name needs to be updated.”
The new names will follow the last 500 years of American history. The natural next step is to call them the Washington Native Americans. That will last approximately as long as the redskins name, or until a second wave of protests inevitably starts up. Next, it will transition to the Washington Indigenous People.
“We assume that one day down the road, a third round of protests will start up where people are outraged by this and we’ll have to change it again. But that’s a problem for future Dan Snyder. I’m Dan Snyder and I approve this message.”