By The Chief
NFL scientists have been racking their brains trying to figure out a way to play football while still social distancing. It is a contact sport where half of the players on the field start every play within 5 inches of each other’s faces. There were a few different thoughts as to how they could do it. Maybe no one is allowed to touch each other. But people were drafted solely for their ability to tackle. Plays can’t end if the ball holder can’t tackle. Then there’s also the problem with the ball. Everyone touches it. Yes they’re wearing gloves for the most part, but do you know how hard it is to throw a football while wearing a glove? Quite.
But the league has finally come up with a viable solution to this long debated problem. Instead of even going out to play, a psychic will walk out to the fifty yard line and determine how the game would have gone if it were played. We asked Katz’s Deli lineman JJ Watt for his opinion.
“Well ever since my contract was picked up by a deli I haven’t been thinking about it, but I like this idea. It’ll save the league a bunch of money and time. I can finally clean out the grease traps on Sunday.”
The psychic’s name is Thomas Gronkichick. When the league was looking for psychics, he was the first one to be interviewed and told the league he’d be the best man for the job. They took that as a psychic reading and hired him immediately. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m very excited that football’s officially back.