Peeled Sports

James Harden Kills Santa Claus: A Poem

By The Chief

‘Twas the week before Christmas,

and all through the league,

not a teammate had seen him.

Not even Gerald Green

All through the month,

he’d been planning to flee,

to explore other options,

like Brooklyn or Philly

Well, that’s what he said,

but wouldn’t ya know

James spent his off time

up in the north pole.

The man first emerged,

fat as can be,

trying to hide his real

identity.

When Christmas draws near,

the real James will appear,

jolly and bearded.

The true Santa is here.

But how did this happen?

If you want to know,

he snuffed Tim Allen

right into the snow.

Progressive and chubby,

The Santa Clause 4

with a new, black Saint Nick

who Texans adore.

So look up to the sky

this Christmas night,

and you’ll see a new face

while the Rockets sit tight.

If poems aren’t your thing, basically James Harden killed Tim Allen and became the new Santa Claus. That’s why he’s fat now. And also why he isn’t playing on Christmas. He has to deliver the toys. Oh and the beard is a dead giveaway. Uhmmm, yeah. That’s all I got on that.

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