By The Chief
A man was pulled over just outside of Phoenix for driving under the influence of alcohol and you would not believe the excuse he used. Actually, you probably will believe it because it was the title of this article. He claimed that he was actually well known baseball star; Tony La Russa, which is an absurd claim. La Russa was a star for the Athletics back in the 1830’s, batting just under 200 for his career and attending one all star game as a fan.
I understand where this guy is coming from. Famous people can’t get in trouble for driving drunk, and if it were true that this guy was La Russa, he would’ve gotten off scot free. The only problem is that La Russa would never do this. First off, if he was in his 20’s in 1830, that means he’s like 210 years old. What 210 year old do you know who knows how to drive? Secondly, his comment was “I have no comment”. When has Tony La Russa ever had no comment to anything? I’ve heard him tell an ump “good call” before. Who does that? He’s probably the most upstanding citizen I think has ever lived on planet earth. Also why would he be in Arizona in the first place? He just signed with the White Sox and if I know anything about him, he’s already living at Guaranteed Rate field getting ready to coach his team to the World Series. He’s probably studying the dirt between first and second to find the perfect place to hit it and get a cheap bounce hit.