By The Chief
As Madison wrote in the constitution, the sitting president is the commander in chief of the US armed forces, chief legislator of the country and pitching coach for the Washington Nationals. President Trump once again took his spot as Nationals pitching coach this opening day. After spending almost 4 years calling in righty after righty with his unique signalling method, he finally came to his senses and decided to call in the lefty. The Nats were playing against the Yankees. His right handed pitchers were getting lit up for run after run when he conjured up his ingenious idea. We somehow managed to get an interview with him just after the game.
“Well, people say I am very good at knowing who to put where. I’m the one who decided to put that guy over there, and if you didn’t already know I was the one who put that guy under there. So here’s what I did. We had a lefty who we had available for the last four years and never put him in. But there was a reason for that. I always plan these things out. The lefty is going to save our team from the big bad yankees. I also fixed the way they’ve been calling to the bullpen this whole time. My way makes it way easier to see what’s going on from all the way out in the bullpen. You should see how they did it before. It was no good.”
The Yankees won 4-1. It didn’t seem to make a difference whether a lefty or righty took the mound. The Yankees are just a lot better at baseball than the Nats.