By The Chief
Ah soccer, the most popular sport in the world. You can go to just about any first world country on Earth and you’ll find a local soccer league or just a few teams that play in the park. Sometimes called football, or I guess most of the time called football, the sport has been around longer than any human has been alive. It’s possibly even been around longer than any turtle has been alive. For some strange reason though, stupid scientists have been coming out and trying to say that playing soccer is giving people problems later in life. They are specifically saying that the game gives people brain issues like dementia, CTE and Alzheimer’s, but I am having a hard time believing them.
For one, soccer is called football all over the world for a pretty valid reason. It is played with the feet. So how could it possibly be giving people concussions? Am I supposed to believe that the average soccer player first touches a ball with the head instead of foot at a rate of about 5%? No. It’s called football, not headball.
It’s not like soccer players are exposed to an incredibly high amount of dangerous situations from the time they’re young or anything like that. I’m at a loss for words at the absurdity of these scientists, or should I say ‘stupid-tists”.
See look how dedicated this kid is to the craft. He obviously isn’t doing anything dangerous. He’s simply trying to download the ball into his brain. This looks way more like a little genius to me than someone who’s gonna die of early onset dementia.
Plus, have you ever watched a soccer match? The field is like a mile long and there’s only 22 players on it at a time. The likelihood of getting a head injury from another player has to be just about zero.
And there it is. I’ve completely ruled out any possible chance of getting a concussion during a soccer game. Obviously there is the case of Scott Sterling, but that is a one in a millennium kind of thing. You should feel safe to get out there and use your feet to kick a ball because that’s what soccer is probably.