By The Chief
Last night, the UFC spent thousands of dollars hiring judges to tell us what we already knew. The guy in the worst shape lost the fight. The judging system has been around ever since man began fighting for sport. But the world is evolving. Baseball has officially begun using instant replay, and have been discussing robotic umpires for years now. Football instant replay is now being used for pass interference calls, mostly to force coaches to use timeouts so they can sell more ad space. They are basically unwinnable.
UFC president Dana White has officially decided to move forward with the other sports. He will be installing an MRI machine in every octagon, and whoever suffered the most brain damage throughout the fight will be deemed the winner.
“This might be my greatest investment,” White told us. “It may look expensive now, but in the long run I’m gonna save so much money on useless judges. Basically, we’re gonna put the fighters through the machine before and after the bout and compare whose brain sustained the most irreversible damage. I’m really looking forward to seeing how it plays out.”