Thirty years ago, a man by the name of Hugh Janus finally decided that enough is enough. He had been an avid football fan for his entire life, but could never understand the calls that the refs were making. He would think that a call was going to be offsides and it would end up a neutral zone infraction. He could never tell the difference between a chop block and a block in the back, and worst of all he couldn’t tell for the life of him when going out of bounds meant the clock would stop of keep ticking.
So obviously there was only one option left. He grabbed his official copy of the NFL rules scroll and journeyed to his bomb shelter to get to work. His last words before heading into the vault were, “When I’m done, if the country is still here, I’ll be the smartest man in America.”
We had to see what would happen at the end of this, so we posted a reporter right outside of his bomb shelter and he’s been there for 30 years. Just a few days ago we finally got the long awaited interview that we’ve been craving for 30 years.
Q: What have you been doing for the last 30 years?
A: Reading.
Q: Reading the rules of the NFL?
A: You betcha.
Q: And you’ve done that and nothing else?
A: Yessir.
Q: I assume you didn’t have a shower down there.
A: You would be correct.
Q: Okay, we’ll move past that. So you would say that you know all the rules in the NFL?
A: I do indeed. Seeing as though I just spent- how long was I in there anyway?
Reporter response: “30 years”.
A: Holy mother of Marovich. Seriously? God that book is long.
Q: Clearly. So if I asked you a question about the rules would you be able to answer?
A: You betcha.
Q: Okay. What’s the tuck rule?
A: The what?
Q: Oh boy.
The interview more or less stopped right there as they headed to the library to check out a new copy of the NFL rules and regulations. 8000 pages longer than the last copy Janus checked out.