By The Chief
In another overbearing, dictator-esque move from the throne of the Major League, Emperor Manfred has given the eight time all star and at least two time cheater an extreme punishment. Along with the expected season long suspension, Cano was given a punishment fit for the world’s worst criminal. He was forced to go to a fictional chalkboard (which, how did he even get there?), and write left handed (he’s right handed) the sentence “I will not take PED’s” 500 times. We spoke to the fuhrer about his decision.
“I believe that Robbie was given the punishment that he deserved,” said Manfred, who for some reason thought he was close enough with Cano to call him Robbie. “The Rob-man has a history of breaking the rules and I needed to make an example of him. We spoke about it and I think he’s taking it well.”
The worst part about this whole thing is that Cano does not speak very good English, and Manfred knows that. There was a fox entertainment camera on the second baseman while he began his punishment, and not for nothing, the first sentence took him a long time.
“The next person to cheat in my league is writing it a thousand times in Mandarin with their feet.”